Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Iām once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
