The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
