She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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