I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
