i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fuck appropriateness.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
