I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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