how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize