dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
