i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
