Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
