do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
