Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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