Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
