you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
