did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
