I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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