her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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