I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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