My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
