Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
