so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
