Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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