Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
