There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
