I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
