Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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