in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
