glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
operation have a gay friend backfired
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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