i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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