I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
