They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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