I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
