i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
