someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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