I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
