It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
