I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
