Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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