call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
