Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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