Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize