i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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