a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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