I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
