Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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