Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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