it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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