I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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