i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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