i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
