I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
