I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
