I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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