Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
