He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
