i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
