So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She bit a glass in half.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
