Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
