I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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