there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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