exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
