last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
