Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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