Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
