Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
