First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
