I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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