also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
