he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
