McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This baby is an asshole
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
