remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, beer. Big fan.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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