I never want to see another naked old woman again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
