i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
