Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
