He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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