oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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